i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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