i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
