the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
