If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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