Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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