why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
