You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
