so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
