dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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