I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
