I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
