I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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