Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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