Don't you send me to vm
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
