there's paper in my vomit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
