On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
