Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
