official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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