I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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