I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
