what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
