i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize