just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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