I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
