Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
