Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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