i permit you to call me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
