That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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