Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize