I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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