Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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