I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
