In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
