I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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