Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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