Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize