My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
