I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Houston, we have a blender
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
