Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
