She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
