yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
