Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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