Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
