and you said cock pushups were impossible
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
