a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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