Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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