Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I will be naked everywhere
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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