tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
