i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize