Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
