fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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