He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
