i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
