Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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