her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
