If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
