Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
