I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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