I want to have your abortion
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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