oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
