just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
