she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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