dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
