Swine flu is the new snow day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
