Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
