I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
