Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
